Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
