I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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