before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize