Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
