I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
