A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
