yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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