Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
