He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
