Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
