I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Randomize
