Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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