you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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