The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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