he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
