put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
