did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
