a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
