Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
