i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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