Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
