so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
