the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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