so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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