He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
