Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
