The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I bet he comes in French.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
