I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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