I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize