Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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