yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
