2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
