We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just invented taco cereal.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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