Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
