So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
