hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
me + whiskey = a bad person
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
