Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
