u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
