I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
