Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just want to make out with him forever
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize