4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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