Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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