Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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