So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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