Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize