Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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