Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
