too bad you live with your parents still
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
