Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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