I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
