He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize