I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
