There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
