Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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