I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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