we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
