I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You can't special order awesome
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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