Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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