Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
