I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
