That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
