Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
