I cockslap morals
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
