Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
