no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she told me i tasted like america
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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