dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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