every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
