Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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