Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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