moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
