Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
