so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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