Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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