I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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