they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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