dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
