I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
