Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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