If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
