just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
