Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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