You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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