You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
