i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
