All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
