Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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