also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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