I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
