I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
