Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
