Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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